Chapter 6·The Coaching Gap
Articulating What's Going On
Meet them where they are. Then say what you see.
THE ICEBERG, AND THE TWO FILTERS
Filter one: how we share it.
Before the words leave their mouth, they have passed through a whole life. What comes out is the tip.
Filter two: how we hear it.
You receive those few words through your own filter. Two distortions per exchange, and most conversations assume zero.
Say it back.
"So what I am hearing is..." In real sessions the restatement is fully right about fifteen percent of the time. That is the point: now you are finally talking about the same thing.
TWO MOVES, TWO NAMES
Geography: what you read.
The posture, the pace, the breath, the energy that fills a room before anyone speaks. Not your story about why. What is actually there.
Embodiment: how you meet it.
The team comes in low and heavy at halftime. Walk in with high energy and you are two different frequencies. Meet them there first. Then move together.
At every level
Youth
A nine year old cannot restate feelings. Step out of your adult world and match their energy. The room softens.
Elite & College
They made it here by being strong, so they hold it in. The distance between where they sit and where they feel they sit is where you work.
Pro
Taking over a new room? Learn what was already there before you install anything. A sailor reads the wind first.
“Geography is what you read. Embodiment is how you meet it.”
One thing to try
In one conversation that matters, say back what you heard before you respond. So what I am hearing is... Then listen.
The Coaching Gap