Chapter 9·The Coaching Gap
Balance
The capacity to see your situation from more than one place, and choose where to stand.
THE PRISONER
Topic vs perspective.
The topic is the thing itself: a career, a staff, an assistant. The perspective is everything you've wrapped around it without noticing. They arrive fused. The first move is to pull them apart.
Same facts, four worlds.
Give one coach's dilemma to four coaches and it becomes a loss, a fear, a debt, and an excitement. Every road you can see is drawn by a perspective you didn't choose.
Not positive thinking.
This is not a nicer sentence over a bad feeling. It is a genuine move in where you stand, and when it works, it holds.
THE MOVE
THE RED FLAG
One option, or two. Real situations don't come in pairs. A pair is what a stuck person can see from where they're standing.
DON'T HELP THEM PICK
Weigh the options and you've accepted the question, and the question is the problem. Ask how it feels from where they're standing instead.
THEN BE QUIET
Longer than is comfortable, which for most of us is about ten seconds longer than we can stand.
“Two options is not a choice. It's a symptom.”
One thing to try
The next time someone brings you an either-or, don't weigh the options. Ask them how it feels from where they're standing, and then be quiet.
The Coaching Gap