Chapter 10·The Coaching Gap
Process
Some pain is not a problem to fix. It's a place to stand.
THE ICE BATH
SAME ICE. SAME TEMPERATURE.
FEELING IT VS DWELLING IN IT
Feeling it happens now: the loss, the weight, where it sits in your chest. Dwelling is still being in it three weeks on, with the questions turned against yourself. Feel it now, and you're less likely to carry it for a year.
BEING KNOWN
Somebody was there, saw the thing, and didn't leave. Didn't fix it, didn't soften it. That is what the person gets: they feel known. Getting through it is not the same as being in it.
WHERE IT STOPS
Staying with a kid who lost a game is coaching. Deeper struggles have trained people. Knowing when to hand it over is part of doing this well.
At every level
Youth
Sit down instead of standing over them. Ask what is painful, not what they should have done. Then stay.
Elite & College
The armor is thickest here. A loss felt with somebody there becomes something they'll use at thirty.
Pro
While it's hot, questions point at what's here. Once the heat is out, they point forward. Same tool, different temperature.
“Being in it does not mean being taken over by it.”
One thing to try
The next time someone near you takes a real hit, sit down instead of standing over them. Ask what is painful about it. Then stay. You don't need words for this one.
The Coaching Gap